Heart Killer

A black metaphor,
a heart killer,
come hither,
you are my lover.

Run into your arms,
I weep, I lisp,
I die,
and you smile.

Babe, you say,
I'll be your heart killer.
Babe, I'll be the end
of your misery.

Three stabs it takes
you laugh
you say,
"I am your heart killer."

I am deceived,
forever this dream,
you are my heart killer.

Tell me how to unlove....

HIM


The promise of Heaven
is in front of me --
I saw him standing still
with a glistening grin
upon his beautiful face.
He extended his hands,
arms wide open --
an invitation to be one 
with his heart.

I pranced towards him,
closing the gap between us
that separated our souls apart.
The puffs of cigarette
covered my eyes, a blind sight --
in this ashy vision I saw
his long wavy hair moved slowly,
gesturing a friendly greet
to keep me coming closer.

I crave for the touch of his hand,
a dream I long awaited.
But in the blink of an eye,
as I got near,
he disappeared.

I was brought back to Hell --
a reality I must face.
Oh how I wish I could stay here longer,
to remain in this unconscious state
so I can be one with him,
the guy I saw only in my dream.


I wrote this as a confession I wish Ville Valo would have read. But I know, this is just a dream that will forever stay in my delusional mind. Recently, I have been depressed and anxious about many things so I seek redemption by dreaming about being in love. I need to feel the love again because all I feel right now is pain. I find peace lies within Ville's beautiful voice and his romantic words. Lets keep this poem here, as a token of appreciation for their existence and as my farewell to HIM, for the heart-breaking split up. I'd like to bring back a line I love so much from Poe; "and all I loved, I loved alone". This is how I feel when every favorite band I worship ends in a remorseful breakup. Good bye beautiful man, your voice fills the void in my sunken heart. 

The Disappearing Act: Part 2

Eventually, people who I thought would stay by my side, had left. Painful as it is, I feel like there's no need to even reach out for help anymore. It's fucking pointless, it's not even worth my sanity at all. Here I am, chasing away those needs to be surrounded by plastic friends. Have I been this unlucky for the rest of my life? I wonder...

If only I could turn back time, I'd stop being friends with people. I'd stop myself from letting people in. I'd be better without investing my time and emotion on the wrong people. I'd stay away from any friendly gestures people made to trap me into their abandoning game. 

Yes, I have abandonment issue. I hold on to so many wrong people in my life. This shall stop now. Fucking go away, leave me alone I must say. I attach myself too quick and now I must face this misery. 

I might be punishing the wrong people but it's better like this. Because everyone is just the same. Everyone leaves. Everyone puts me in the dark, as always. So why bother if I choose to disappear. I'll demolish my memories with everyone, I'll erase the pictures I keep dearly. 




No more good bye, this is my final farewell.