The Disappearing Act: Part 1

I consider myself unlucky, in terms of friendship. I haven't had any great friendship that could last forever. Every friend I have, or had, is just another face in different time of my life. I was lucky enough to have a good chance in romance, but I didn't really have people I could call my best friend. Yeah, there are few people that are (were) close to me, but deep down I know that the friendship we have is just an illusion I've built up inside my brain. Sure, I was fine with this. The fact that I don't have friends is not terrifying until.....

Until I look at instagram and I see many people who are lucky enough to be surrounded by many loyal and true friends. I get jealous. I feel sad. It hits hard of how unlucky I was. I never maintain any friendship I have. It's my fault too but to live the entire life thinking how unimportant I am to anyone would be so so so depressing. I guess if I die, people don't bat an eyelid. I guess if I disappear, things won't be too much different at all.

Friends, I am sorry for all the unattended calls, the ignored texts, the excuses I made, but please know how much I miss everyone who have left me in this deep dark hole of loneliness. I want to reach out to each one of you but the responds I got were the one that keeps me away from keeping up, opening myself to anyone. I feel like my existence to your life would be just another page you're going to skip anyway. I feel worthless of anyone's time, undeserving of anyone's affection and care.

I guess, I would have been a better friend if I don't have any. Sorry for all the friendships I've created. Lets forget we even have any.