I woke up to the news of Chester Bennington's passing. It was, again, another departure to part from this horrible world by ending one's own life. It was hard for me to take it, he has been the first childhood hero that I looked up to in so many ways. I remembered that day my cousin let me to listen to In the End, she showed me the album Hybrid Theory. That time, I was never a fan of rock music. All I heard was Backstreet Boys and what not. It was Linkin Park that changed me into loving rock music. I was captivated by the screaming and the heavy riffs.
Then I grew up, a year after my first attempt in listening to something out of my cup of tea, I picked up Meteora from the record store. I was 12 years old that time. I was going through a lot of things in my life. I had the first major exam in my life that would be the bench mark of my upcoming expected successes, and Linkin Park's Meteora was my go to, it was their music that became my little escapade from the terrible tortures of being successful. I screamed the lyric from Faint to those motherfuckers that doubted my intelligence.
I carried their music until I grew wiser, and Somewhere I Belong would be my anthem even until now. I plastered paper cuttings about them inside my journal when I was 13. It was Linkin Park that moved me to start exploring with music, so I got to know many other bands. Music was basically my friend that time. In 2013, I went alone to their concert in my country. I didnt have friends to go with, but I just went alone. Their performance left such a huge impression in me. I used to cry just by watching their concert in Texas on youtube, so can you imagine that I was literally singing while crying when I was at their concert?
But then, all good things will definitely come to an end. And this ending, is a bitter one. I held myself up, driving to work trying to make sense of this breaking news. Try to keep the tears inside me, but once I put on their latest album, I couldn't stop those tears from bursting out. It was packed with his crying for help, each and every lyric he wrote for this album hinted the battle he's fighting. And he chose to end his pain. For him, it might be a good goodbye for his battle.
I cried not because I'm weak. I cried because he let suicide to be the reason to leave this world. I could feel how broken and painful it was for him to eventually leave out all the rest and die. I cried because it hurts deep inside me that my childhood hero would have to face the same thing, the struggle and the misery depression can cause to all of us. I am mad at him for giving up, but worst thing is I am mad at how suicide can be the silent yet the cruelest killer ever to many people. Only those who have walked the path of depression will know how painful it is to go through endless counts of suicidal voices. It was not that easy to shut them up and be happy. We can put on our facade and play pretense, but in the end before we sleep, it will still be the same troubling voices that will accompany our sleep.
Rest in peace, Chester. It was such a painful way to go, but at least now the pain is gone. I hope you find the peace you crave so much. I will remember the legacy of Linkin Park, of how influential this band was to billions of people around the world. It's clearly not a good goodbye, and nobody can save you but you are loved, appreciated, remembered by so many people.
Good bye, Chester.