So I just recently resigned my job and I am currently on the waiting list of being "unemployed" but it's cool. I'm taking control of my life. I'm gonna further my study, gonna pursue that master I have wanted for long. My dream is to be a lecturer and a writer at the same time. Staying at my current place isn't going to elevate me, emotionally and physically. I do love the students and the memories I made there, but the place is emotionally devastating for a fucked up wrecked soul like me. I had my time, I have had enough. To be honest, I am literally scared. What if it turns out that I made the wrong decision? What if I fail? All these negative whispers came into my thought, scaring me further away from what I want to do with my life. But it's fine to be anxious because I'm taking this big leap to change my life completely. I don't want to end up working for someone I hate, or doing something just because I have to do it to pay the bills. Yeah I could just stay still, work my ass off, be underappreciated and get paid at the end of the month but it's not good for my mental health. I realized I don't have to take any pills when I'm at my home but I have to swallow some pills just to get by with those heavy sarcasms at work. Everything is draining my mental and emotional health at work. That's why I choose to leave, and start a new career after I get my master. 

I don't know what's going to happen to me, to my career, to my life. But I really hope I choose the best choice to leave that place. I hope God will make everything smooth, or at least give me some hints and helps to go through them all. I know it's a gamble when I quit a very comfortable job but honestly, I need some space to breathe and let it all in. Life is going to be tough, I know but I'm not going to let my life be dictate by some boss ass bitch. Well, I need to take control of how I want my life to be like. I should listen to my own soul instead of listening to the world. It's my life and I only have one life to make it right, based on how I want it to be. 

So this is me right now, taking risk and control at the same time. Just like some girlboss ass bitch. But at least I do it in my own way. I hope I could get that master done, and get my life back on track. We'll see, maybe I am gonna be dealing with some major panic attacks or maybe I might be enjoying myself. It doesn't matter, I am in charged now.