Depression. It's like living with someone you love to hate. You wish for it to be gone, but once it leaves you, you feel so alone it hurts. You try to hold on to it, but it damages you. You trash it, but you end up picking it back. You bury it deeper under the dirty soil, but you cant sleep at night without it. That is what I have to deal with everyday. I wish for this mental state of mind to be gone, away from me but when it disappears, I feel empty.
Day by day, my life is getting better. A happier life, I thought I wish for that. But depression is like an old friend who stays by your side for such a long time. An old friend who you hate when he is there, suffocating you with pain and misery but once he walks away, you long for him to stay. I wish I could erase this feeling, but those tiny grasps over my soul are tormenting me. Emptiness, even surrounded by people who love you, is a lot worse to deal with.
If you want to leave me, just leave without a trace. Because having to deal with goodbyes is so much painful for me to endure. Good bye, depressed nights and weary heart.
by 大崎 ナナ